Ep 42 | The Simple 3-Step Expectation Reset to Reduce Overwhelm & Find Peace As a Busy Mom

Overwhelm doesn’t always mean you’re doing too much. Sometimes it means you’re carrying an expectation that no longer fits the season you’re in and you’re paying for that mismatch with stress, resentment, anxiety, and that heavy feeling of “I’m failing” even when you’re trying so hard.

In this week's episode of The ROCKSTAR Mom podcast Megan shares a simple but powerful reframe she uses in her coaching all the time using a favorite quote :

 Overwhelm happens when expectations don’t match reality. 

She guides you through the quick 3-step Expectation Reset and closes with a few journal prompts that help you release one expectation today, choose a better one, and consider what becomes possible when you stop arguing with reality. 

If you want more peace of mind, less mom guilt, and a mindset shift that actually leads to action, this one will land.

Share this with your mom friend who needs to reset her internal and external expectations! 🧡

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Transcript

Welcome To Rockstar Mom

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You are listening to the Rockstar Mom, a podcast for high achievers who are ready to get off of autopilot and live a life with more intention, peace of mind, and happiness. This is a space to expand, dig deep, get clear, and take action towards living your most authentic, aligned life. I'm Megan Caldwell. As a mom of three, two-time burnout survivor and empowerment coach and speaker, I've cracked the code on what it actually takes to thrive at work and home, ditch perfectionism and people pleasing, get your schedule under control, and live with more ease. So you've got more time and energy to do the things you love without the mom guilt. It's time to get out of your head and into action. Now is the time to live your most rock star life. Let's go.

Why Expectations Create Overwhelm

SPEAKER_00 0:52

Hello, my friend, and welcome back to the Rockstar Mom podcast. This is Megan. I am so excited to be here with you today, and this episode is really powerful. I actually just got off group coaching call with my YRL, Your Rockstar Life group coaching community, where this was the topic. And it was just so powerful that I really just wanted to share it with all of you, with the rest of the world. And today we are going to be talking about really the power of shifting expectations and how, as a high-achieving woman, why we oftentimes have these crazy high expectations for ourselves, some of them internal, some of them external, and what we can do to actually start to shift them, not lower them, but shift them. So today I'm going to be sharing with you a little bit about why these expectations are there, why they're so hard to change. We're gonna go through some examples as to what this looks like. And I'm also gonna share with you just a quick, simple three-step process as to how you can begin to practice this in your own life. All right, you ready for it? Let's go.

The Expectations Versus Reality Gap

SPEAKER_00 1:51

I actually want to start by sharing with you one of my, I would say favorite quotes. It is a saying that I have used in my work for years and years and years, and it is this overwhelm often happens when expectations don't meet reality. Let me say that again. Overwhelm happens when expectations don't meet or match our reality. So oftentimes I think when we are thinking, and I'm sure you're listening to this because you are looking to get out of states of overwhelm and off the hamster wheel and into a life with more peace and presence is I think oftentimes when we think about overwhelm, we think about it's because there's just way too much to do, right? Like our to-do list is never ending. We keep signing up for the things, we are climbing the ranks, we have these goals. And while that is a big piece of it, another question to kind of consider does some of this overwhelm come because we expected life to look different than it actually did. So, for example, one of the one of the topics of conversation that has come up recently in our YRL community is just this the power of our environment and our home environment and like the expectation that like the house should always be clean, or that my kids should listen the first time I ask them, or I'm doing the right things and I should have more energy. I know another one that comes up, we talk about a lot about relationships, and especially those with our partner is like, shouldn't my husband just notice when things need to be done? Or I know when my kids especially were younger and we're in the summer of season as I'm recording this, where it's like we get so excited and we go on a vacation, and then vacation was not a vacation, vacation was a trip with kids. And so just this thinking that like vacation should be real relaxing or summer should be magical. And oftentimes we have all of these, again, expectations and assumptions. And then when reality shows up, we actually get really frustrated, or maybe we feel resentful, or it causes anxiety, or if you're at all like the woman I work with, like we feel like we are constantly failing. And the reality is, is that there's just this gap between the expectations that we have and the reality. And the goal is not to lower the expectation. So again, I'll use the house example today is if the expectation is that like the house should just be clean and tidy all the time, it's not saying we go to the opposite extreme. And again, this is the all or nothing thinking where it's like, well, I guess I'm just gonna live in a shit show of a house. No, no, no, no, no. It's not about that, but it really is about how do we help close the gap between the expectation that we had and the reality of the situation that we are living in? Because again, as higher achievers, our goal is not to lower our standards for life. It really is about closing that gap, about making it feel better for ourselves, about not letting all of these different things stress us out so, so much.

Name The Stress Then Find Truth

SPEAKER_00 4:34

So I am gonna invite you to just take a moment to pause and I want you to think about like, what is an expectation in your life right now that is creating stress for you? Take a moment. You can even pause this recording if you want. Like, what is something in your life that is creating stress and expectation? Some examples might be like, my house should stay clean, or I should be able to keep up with everything, or the kids should just stop fighting. I should be able to balance, you know, my home and my relationships and motherhood better. Or I know I was having a conversation with a client the other day just about this concept of internal versus external validation. And sometimes we have that expectation when we do something well, we expect others to show appreciation for what we do. The second piece of this though is like when we can start to actually identify some of those things that are creating us stress is to then ask, what is actually true right now? So again, I'm recording this in the middle of summer of 2026. My kids are 15, 12, and 10, and they are home almost all day, every day. Well, to be fair, two of them are at camp this week. But like the reality of the situation might be actually my kids are home 12 hours a day right now. That's just a reality of it, meaning that I've got all of these beings in my home. Or a reality of the situation is that I'm a work-from-home parent. And so I do have meetings on my calendar, and I also have kids downstairs who need to be fed. Other things, when we ask ourselves that question, like what is true? It could be it's actually 95 degrees outside, and therefore everybody is inside. So the expectation that they're gonna spend at least two hours outside today might be kind of challenging. We often talk here in The Rockstar Mom about this whole concept of capacity. And sometimes it might be just acknowledging and coming to terms with and giving yourself some compassion that maybe your capacity for whatever it is, it could be roles you take on, it could be capacity for what your body can handle, is maybe lower than it was six months ago or two years ago. It's I think it can be so powerful to just take that moment to pause. Again, the power of pause, one of our rock star mom framework practices, and just to really acknowledge like what is actually true in the situation right now. And then once we do those two things, we can really start to think about like what expectation would fit better in this season. So for example, I give the example of my house, like again, the outside world, everybody else, Pinterest, Instagram is telling me my house should be perfect. I can have kids and dogs and partner and all the things, and it should be spick and span, clean all the time. But the reality of the situation is my house is lived in. We're all home this summer, and that is okay. I want to, before I actually go and kind of share this very kind of simple but profound three-step process with you about how you can begin to shift your expectations.

Where Your Expectations Come From

SPEAKER_00 7:11

I want to share why this can, like where these expectations actually come from. Because there's both internal expectations, ones that we put on ourselves, and then there's also external expectations. And what happens is oftentimes those external expectations we then have internalized over the course of the last decade or two. And so one of the first places that our expectations come can come from is from our society, is from the culture, is from the conditioning, is from our upbringing. Again, at no fault of anybody's. It's just what we've kind of incorporated and lived into this whole concept of being, quote, the good mom and the expectation as to what that looks like or what it means to be a successful woman. Or again, it could be society expectations of like the perfect home. So again, just being aware that oftentimes the expectations that we internalize actually start external. Expectations that we are living in right now that are no longer serving us and causing us overwhelm could be stemming from past versions of yourself. Like, well, I used to be able to keep the house clean, or it used to be easy for me to get to the gym five mornings a week, is we're comparing ourselves to a different season of our life. And that can that can be hard. Another area of where expectations sometimes come from is this comparison in terms of comparing ourselves to others, right? We live in the world of of Instagram and social media. And even just as humans, we are social and we do care about what other people think because we want to be accepted, not get kicked out of the tribe. Okay. But is like there's certain expectations that come through when it comes to us comparing ourselves up against others, not just the past version of ourself. And expectations can also stem from our current values. Um, and it can really actually help you start to think about like what expectations do you have on yourself that are actually worth keeping? Which ones actually belong to you and which ones actually belong to something that was that you that you took on over time. So I want to share with you kind of these just three kind of simple steps because the goal isn't about perfection. And again, it's not about we're just like gonna throw in the towel and like drop all expectations, but it is about really closing the gap between what we are wanting, what we desire, the re but also taking into account the reality of the situation. And so here's just kind of a quick, simple three-step, what I'm calling an expectation reset.

The Three Step Expectation Reset

SPEAKER_00 9:34

Number one is to recognize the expectation. What is an expectation that you are holding for yourself that you can just acknowledge is not serving you? Okay. It could be in relation to, again, something with your kids or your partner. It could be an expectation that you have with your job or with your business. It could be expectations that you have with your home or different areas of wellness within your life. Just take a moment to just recognize like where is there some resistance, some friction or expectations that are causing you some type of either discomfort or harm or like are just taking up way too much of your energy. The second step then is to do that reality check is to ask yourself what's actually true in this season, right? What is actually true in this season? And it could be, again, if if the expectation is say, my expectation is like because I've set the goal and set my mind to it, I should be able to get to the gym five mornings a week. The reality check of this season might be maybe you need child care in order to get to the gym, or actually, you know, you're not sleeping well. And so morning doesn't actually work for you. So just being able to really touch base with and be in tune with like what is going on in your current season of life, what is actually true? And again, the truth is the thing that that is actually as is without any, without any stories attached to it or without any feelings associated to it. Okay. So for example, again, just as I shared before, like maybe the reality of the situation is that your kids are home all day, every day this summer. Or maybe the reality of the situation is that you did get a new boss. Again, we're not attached attaching whether or not the the new boss is good or bad, but it's just that is the reality of the situation. And then the third piece of this is then to actually go ahead and it is to replace that expectation with one that aligns more true with your values, your capacity, and your priorities in this season of life. Okay. So when you start to recognize those things that are truly causing you stress when it comes to expectations, is knowing that you have the power to shift them. First, we have to recognize them. Then we need to check in with what is actually true. And I find that oftentimes when women make the space to actually look at the reality of the situation, I often refer to it as like if you take a bird's eye view, if you step out of your life for a moment, so you're not caught up in the thick of it and all the thinking and all the things, is like take a look at like what is actually true in this situation. It can really bring some perspective and allow you to recognize the expectation I was setting was actually unrealistic, or it's not actually in alignment with what I actually want. And that then allows you to replace it. So those three steps, my friend, recognize the expectation, do a reality check in terms of what is true in this season or in this situation, and then replace it with an expectation that that feels more aligned with how you want to be living and how you want to be showing up. And again, there's so much power in being really, really in tune with what I call your Rockstar Mom essentials, which are your values, your priorities, and your vision, because when you have those nailed down so clearly, it makes some of these decisions and where you put your time and how you prioritize so much easier.

Reflection Questions And Acceptance

SPEAKER_00 12:37

All right, as we get ready to wrap up today, I just want to leave you with a couple kind of last reflection questions. So you can really start to take something from this episode today and start to make some of these shifts because that's what this is about, is helping you get into action and make these small shifts so you can step into your most rock star version of yourself. So if you've got a journal, awesome. If you're driving, no problem. Maybe hit pause and just take a couple minutes after I eat read each one of these to just do a little reflection and see what comes up. The first is what expectation are you ready to release today? Or maybe you don't feel ready, but you know that you really want to. What expectations are you ready to release? What expectation do you want to replace it with? What would be one that better serves you? So maybe rather than going to the gym five days a week, maybe the new expectation for yourself is I'm gonna move my body intentionally for 10 minutes a day, five days this week. Again, different expectations still helping move you towards that goal of movement, say. The third question is what would become possible if you stopped arguing with reality? So again, when we take that bird's eye view, when we take a moment to pause to say what's actually true in my life right now? All right, reality of the situation in my house is that like nobody in my house is ever going to be as concerned or care as much about keeping it tidy or having the clutter put away. That's just the reality of it. And again, I can fight that, I can argue it, I can try to force them or control them to do the things and put, but that's just causing me more stress. Okay, so what would become possible if you start stopped arguing with the reality? And with that comes some acceptance and recognizing, again, the truth within the situation. So, my friends, I hope that this was a little helpful for you in terms of allowing you a little bit of time and space to think about again, that opening quote that I shared with you is that overwhelm comes when expectations don't meet reality. When we learn to shift our expectations, we'll feel lighter, we'll feel more at ease. All right. You'll be able to give yourself a little bit more permission, a little bit more grace, and a little bit more self-compassion. You know, one of the top things that that women say that they they want and why they come to work with me and have me guide them in our YRL community is they want more of this sense of peace. And one thing I know to be true, again, that internal peace. So our brain is not always spinning, and so we're not always feeling stressed out, right? Is that peace isn't found when reality finally matches our expectations. It's found when our expectations begin to really honor our reality. So, my friends, with that, I invite you to get a little bit curious, take a little bit of time, open up that journal, start to observe some of those expectations. So when you're feeling stressed and overwhelmed, yeah, say what is feeling off here and what can I start to shift? And then go through those three steps. And I hope that it allows you to feel a little bit more again, sense of relief, sense of peace. And you will be stepping into your best, most rock star life. That is what we are here for on The Rockstar Mom.

Reviews Sharing And Closing

SPEAKER_00 15:31

If this episode resonated with you, I'd love if you'd leave a five-star review, or if there's somebody in your life who you know this message, they could use it as well. Please share. That's how we reach more women, more moms, and ultimately create this ripple effect across our world of more love and kindness by taking care of ourselves. All right, my friends, until next time, I will see you soon. Thank you so much for tuning into the Rockstar Mom Podcast. If today's episode resonated with you, here's how we can keep this momentum going. First, be sure to subscribe to the show so you never miss an episode. Next, I'd be so grateful if you took a moment to leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. Your feedback helps us reach even more women who are ready to live more intentional, fun-filled lives. Lastly, please share your insights on social media and be sure to tag me at Megan Caldwell PDX so we can connect and inspire other rock stars to live their best lives too. Again, I am so glad that you are here, and I'll see you next time.